Tight in a bud.

I don’t know how to talk to you. Should I be defensive, offensive or simply open. Aggressive, respectful, loving. I don’t know and it’s killing me, a little bit, everyday.

I want to be angry. I want to rant and rave. Spew words that have been trapped for entirely too long. Open my chest and fling this heart at your feet. It is so broken. It is tired. It needs a break and it needs to grow.

I have been respectful, given you space. I have been patient.

My body can’t take it anymore.

You won’t let me in. This is what hurts the most.

I’m tired of being the one to bend. The walking on eggshells. Being left to wonder ‘what’s next’ from moment to moment, day after day, week after week…….

I’m ready to plan for tomorrow. I’m ready to think about next month. I’m ready to consider next year.

I’m growing. I’m healing.

I’ll always be a bit broken. I’ll always live out loud. I’ll always need to be loved and know that I am loved. I’ll always ask for more. I’ll always question everything. I’ll always plan for the worst, but expect the best. I’ll always see the best in people. I’ll always avoid conflict. I’ll always live in love.

The day is not here, but it is quickly approaching.

“The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin

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NaBloPoMo November 2012


About Mindi Finch

Living with Magnificence. Kicking Childhood Cancer's Ass.
This entry was posted in nablopomo Nov '12, this guarded heart. Bookmark the permalink.

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