Goofy Saturday Mornings
Quiet Moments before Giant Moments
Buh-Bye! Three years, seven months, twenty-six days.
Gregory had his port removed Monday, October 22, 2012. It happened in quite a whirlwind of last minute happenings. On Monday, the 15th, he had a test to check his adrenal function. His bodies ability to produce stress hormones. Results came back on Tuesday and he blew the test out of the park. Completely NORMAL stress hormone production. Which means no replacement hydrocortisone or stress dosing.
We had the go-ahead to get his DEPORTATION scheduled. Talked with they surgeons office on Thursday and they had an opening for the following Monday. Just like that. Lickety-split.
Don’t let the swift circumstances fool you into believing this was a last minute decision. Doc started this conversation back in May and it has taken all this time for me to completely embrace Gregory being port/central line free. It’s almost like a security blanket. As long as he has it in place, should anything happen, we can act fast. It’s removal forces me to surrender to the next phase of his health. Survivorship, development, milestones…… while still holding my breath. Keeping a look out for delayed development, late effects, subtle signs that something might be off.
While loading Gregory into the car after his surgery, the panic hit me. Along with a healthy dose of PTSD. My heart sunk through the floor of my pelvis, my heart rate zoomed, my breathing became quick and shallow. I felt light headed and my vision became extremely clear. This was it, there was no going back. Port has left Gregory’s building. No safety net. I have to build an internal safety net. It’s coming along. It will never be truly secure, but I hope the strength of the fibers and the holes improve with time.
Gregory gleefully took his port to school to show his classmates on Wednesday and AnnMarie took it on Friday. Pretty fascinating stuff.
These days have moments of fear, anxiety and grief. Mostly? These Are Days to remember.
In honor, in memory, in defense. Still basking in Awe & Wonderment.