I have no idea how to title this….. can’t brain.

You don’t realize how stressed out you are, until the item stressing you out has come and gone.

Gregory’s Bone Marrow Aspiration, went really well, today.  They had an opening an hour before our scheduled time, so we got to get in there a little bit earlier.  The procedure was done in a big room with three procedure stations.  Ours was first.  It was weird to see him on the bed and go through the prep motions, like it was not big deal.  This was his fourth sedation and he knew what to expect.  His first one was the initial aspiration and, quite frankly, that whole day is an absolute blur.  He took every step in stride.  They even allowed family to stay at their bedside for the entire procedure.  Which was kinda weird, too.  I knew what to expect so it didn’t get to me like the first one did.  Thankfully they were also able to take out the sutures around his central line and change his dressing.  All while under sedation.  YAY!!!  Gregory was a little off kilter though, ’cause they used a different dressing. 

Dr Reynold’s ordered additional labs and bone marrow testing.  Not quite sure what he is after, yet he will fill me in, when the time comes.  Our  coordinator, Jennifer, was not there today.  It’s kinda weird that since she wasn’t there, I felt a kind of “alone” feeling.  Not that the other coordinators are not as competent, it’s just that I have developed this sense of “we are a team, we are in this together” with her and Dr R and it feels like our team is not complete. 

It’s probably a coping mechanism.  My brain is finding creative ways to deal with all this. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying she needs to be with us ALL  THE  TIME.  I just noticed an empty spot today and recognized it for what it was.

Today I also went to visit our old Montessori Pre-School.  Walking in there was really bitter/sweet.  It felt like home and reminded me of that time when Curtis and AnnMarie were pre-schoolers.  What a precious time.  It was also sad, because that is where Gregory should be this fall and he may miss out on it all together.  Time will tell.  The school looked beautiful, though.  The language/math & practical life area has received hard wood flooring with throw rugs and it looks so pretty.

Friday-Morning-Coffe-Therapy was just Lisa and I, with her twins.  It was really great.  There is something about Lisa.  Her ability to “get it” amazes me.  Her humor is also, the best.  I love you, girl.

For the rest of the day and tonight, I’m hoping we can just chill.  Maybe take a little nap.  I’m seriously contemplating taking some of my Melatonin tonight and trying to get at least 8 SOLID hours of sleep.  My body is telling me that I need it.  This sustained state of…….. whateveryouwanttocallit, is getting to all of us.  I would really like to find a way to ctrl-alt-delete all of us.  Reboot our systems.  Can you defragment a human?  Realign our files?  I’m gonna try. 

AnnMarie and I are probably going to try and catch the new Hannah Montana movie, this weekend.  She and I NEED some time. 

Alrite.  We are going to hunker down.  Wall*e is on the player.  Gotta jet.  Love to you all. 


About Mindi Finch

Living with Magnificence. Kicking Childhood Cancer's Ass.
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